I'm Done Giving A F*ck

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First off, let me give props where it’s due before I let the cat out of the bag. This blog is hands down inspired from reading The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s get into it, shall we? 

I think mentally over the past couple years I’ve slowly started to grab hold of this concept of not giving a f*ck.  “But what do you mean Bobbbbaaaaay! Mr. bearded man, you shouldn’t be throwing around the f word like that!” Let me explain.

If I’m being completely honest, there for sure has been times in my life I held back from doing the thing I wanted to do because I was scared of what people might think, to fall on my face, to be judged or it wasn’t what my boyz were doing.

I remember I held back from pursuing a video class that I was interested in high school because none of my homies were taking more than the intro level class and so I thought if they weren’t, then I for sure couldn’t.

 I do remember going to a John Mayer concert solo dolo so I guess I was actually trying to do the things I wanted to do? Highly recommend seeing him if you haven’t yet already. I’d go back and see him again solo, no questions asked.

I’ve held myself back from writing blogs because I’ve never felt fully confident as a writer. I remember when I was in elementary or middle school my mother had to hire a summer tutor for me to attempt catching up my reading and writing skills. I tried and tried again but never was the best at it. I think I had a slight crush on the tutor but being the bearded-less human being that I was, I kept quiet and did my reading homework. Can’t say I improved too much - sorry mom! 

SAT’s scared the living sh*t out of me. The prep, the hype, the talk around Chicopee High School from the “older kids” that had taken it already. I was mentally not ready for it. My friend Big Louuu had even taken a prep class outside of our school specifically for the SAT’s. For me, the kid who needed the summer tutor, did nothing but “study” the 500 page, 50 pound prep book.

Let’s just say that book did not get read because well, I wasn’t good at reading! 

Drum roll please… the results are in… I scored less than 1,400 points across all three categories on the SAT’s. Math, reading and writing + language I think was the breakdown. Honestly should’ve named it “The Hell Test” because it felt as if the exam was curated from the devil.

Beginner’s bad luck? Sure. I tried it again, same results.

Thankfully I was let into Lasell College and eventually transferred to Bentley University. Looking back, I laugh thinking about the amount of papers I had to write. Somehow, someway I found a way to get through it though. 

I guess that’s a common theme in my life, to always find a way.

I got kicked in the face with soccer ball during a soccer game in 5th grade so how did I avoid that again? Simple, I quit.

I needed money to start funding my Xbox Live gaming career. Not actually, but I loved playing games and at $60 a pop, it was an expensive hobby at the time. So what did I do? I got my first job when I was 12, working for my uncle.

Illegal? He’s a blood relative so I think the state would’ve let it slid. Thanks Uncle John! 

I’ve always been a very independent person and I got sick and tired of asking my mom and dad to drive me to a friends house or to the mall. This is before Uber for the young bucks that might read this. We had to call and have our parents bring us from place to place. Wasn’t ideal and I think any parent would agree. So how does one avoid this? I bought my parents whip, a 1999 Ford Expedition for like 2 thousand bucks. Gas guzzler? Absolutely. But when you’re 16.5 years young, money comes & goes without hesitation. 

It also legally fit 7 passengers so I felt like a BOSS driving that thang.

Funny story, I didn’t get into Bentley University as a freshman and I was heartbroken. Maybe not so funny at the time.

I remember getting the email walking into the LA Fitness in Springfield, MA, reading it, shaking my head and saying to myself “F it!  I’ll figure it out.” I turned on some 50 Cent and got after it. I tossed around a couple weights, made a couple grunts (the obnoxious noise the big boyz make in the gym) but nothing changed. I still was not accepted.

I told my parents when I got home that I was packing my bags, moving to California and attending Santa Monica Community College. They chucked and laughed. The “we’ll see about that” type of laugh that nobody likes. 

I tried getting into USC, UCLA & Loyola Marymount. The results? Swing & miss. Salty about the Trojans not letting me in, I took it upon myself to write a letter to the president of the school. Interesting, right? The kid who does NOT like to read or write, writes a letter to the president of one of the most competitive schools in Southern California, arguably in the nation.

Good news, it didn’t work.

I went to Lasell College which was incredible for the year I spent there and then transferred into Bentley U my sophomore year. Ya’ll thought I wasn’t getting in huuuh?! Gotcha! Jokes on you. Little back door action into the school never hurt nobody, am I right? I might not have started the race at the same time as everybody else but I still crossed the finish line. Class of 2016 *tips champagne glass*. 

I told myself upon graduating college that I wanted to start a podcast capturing the stories of young passionate people in the hopes I would find my passion. I had thought that I would “have it all figured out” by my senior year and I still had no fricken clue what I wanted to do. Probably didn’t help that I didn’t apply to any jobs but hey who can you blame, everything looked and sounded lame!

They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Well I say judge a career by it’s job listening. Nothing pulled me in or jumped at me saying “We need the beard! We need the beard! The beard needs us! The beard needs us!”

So I chose to instead create a podcast. I wanted to cover it all. Fashion designers, photographers, recording artists, bloggers, chefs, talent managers, entrepreneurs, music producers etc. Looking back I’m pretty sure most people looked at me with the “Wtf are you thinking? A podcast? Really? You just graduated from business school and now you wanna do what?” Most people would argue that if you’re in 6 figures of debt, a 9-5 seemed like the next best & logical step. Yes of course that would be logical but not for me. Not for the bearded man.

Props to my parents for cheering me on to go for it. I don’t think they either had a clue what a podcast was at the time. Since I was a kid they always would told me, especially my father… “do what you love and we’ll support you.”

So they gave me the green light, the thumbs up to go for it with a slight reminder that in 6 months, no matter what I was doing, the college loans would kick in. When they did and that $600+ monthly bill came strolling on in I felt as if I was kicked in the you know what.

2.5 years later, 125+ Episodes in, the podcast I wanted to create is actually a thing. Purpose in the Youth Podcast is focused on unfolding the stories of passionate people and it’s going stronger than ever. The passion still remains the same and the vision has never been clearer.

All funded from driving full-time for Uber. Yes, that’s right! Podcaster by day, Uber driver by night. I’ve been doing so well these past 4ish years driving for them, they sent me a lil sticker to attach to my car that represents “Top 2% Driver In The World” Let me say that again… the WORLD!

I wonder what the people that questioned what I was doing after graduating are thinking now? Ahhh that’s right, back to my main point… I’m done giving a f*ck!

For too long I have overthought putting out written blogs or as I like to call it, written CONTENT, because I simply did not think I was good enough. For someone who does whatever he wants without respectfully caring what people have to say about it, it’s a bit shocking. Today that comes to an end with this blog post.

I’ve read 3 books in the last 3ish weeks. Was that a flex? Somewhat. Joking, joking. Take a chill pill bruh. Truthfully though, I haven’t read a book in at least 10+ months and now the ball is rolling. I love it.

After a recent guest on my podcast, Jordan Tarver (Ep 123), gifted me The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, I realized the reason I never enjoyed reading was because I was reading the wrong books. Stories that did not interest me, the young bearded-less man that I once was.

Similarly, I think that is a reason why I haven’t enjoyed writing in the past. The education system is a system. Interesting concept, right? Now that’s a whole other topic for another day but to keep it simple, I haven’t allowed myself the chance to write freely and see where the pen/paper takes me.

I do remember in 7th grade my english teacher at Bellamy Middle School, “Mr. D”, absolute legend, would make us free write for 10 minutes every period before we started class and I enjoyed it. The rules: do not let your pen or pencil leave the paper during the 10 minutes and so we wrote and wrote and wrote.

I honestly thought he was just pulling our leg, buying himself 10 minutes every class to put his feet up, kick back, bite into an apple and watch all of us go to town. Maybe there was reasoning to why he was letting us write? Maybe he was trying to give us the freedom to express ourselves? 

Whatever the reason, it worked. I enjoyed putting the thoughts that were in my head onto paper. Once again, this is the young bearded-less B-O-B and I just spit out whatever I had to say.

From this moment, March 28, I’m just going to let it flow. Whatever is in my brain, whatever I feel like sharing, I’m just going to toss it out there. I know my potential, I know what I’m capable of doing anything I set my mind towards, I just need to go for it and see where it takes me. Like I’ve said before, I need to not give a f*ck and just learn as I go.

My grammar is horrendous, my understanding of the english language could arugably be the level of a freshmen in high school and my handwriting is even worse. But once again, let me remind you, I always find a way to make it work. 

Intent > results. I may not be the best writer, I may not be a NY Times best selling author (yet) but there are lessons to be learned from my experiences that I hope positively impact someone out there reading this.

The less f’s we give, the more w’s we get. W’s = wins.

This is my life, ain’t nobody going to tell me how to live it. It’s time to leave the f’s behind and move forward only doing the things I love. 

As my father once said as he quoted a buddy from his work… “when it comes to life, there is no dress rehearsal” and I’d have to agree. This is a one shot deal, one opportunity type of thing. I’m not here trying to be a life coach, I’m here to spit the facts!

So here is to more blogs of who knows what.

Welcome to the Bearded Man Thoughts blog series, I’m glad you’re here.